Once a week on Friday my clients get an automated e-mail from me, asking them to fill out their weekly progress report. And every Monday I read the up-dates and find out about their achievements and the headway they’re making in their marketing and in winning new clients. But they also relate their current set-backs and struggles.
When I place the two dozen or so weekly check-ins side by side, I can see very clearly that everyone – almost without exception – is advancing forward at a quick and steady pace. And their reported lowlights are relatively small and inconsequential compared to their highlights of the previous week.
Why then, when asked at the end of the form how they are feeling, do they most often check “Feeling OK” or “Not so good”, instead of “Rockin’ it!”? Here’s why…
We as entrepreneurs often don’t feel very confident when it comes to our business.
Especially in the area of perceived productivity, we lack the self-assurance we need to feel good about our progress. And let’s be honest, we set the bar so high for ourselves, that we barely give ourselves a chance to measure up anyway. Sound familiar?
In addition to this self-bashing we’re practicing, we also feel a lot of fear.
I know I do. We all do. It’s human nature. And while all distress comes down to the core fear of losing love and acceptance, here are some of the fears I hear on a weekly basis from prospects and clients who are building their heart-centered businesses…
Fear of ...
being criticized, feeling like a fraud, getting overwhelmed, being judged, not having enough money, having to work too hard, being copied, not belonging, not being as good as their competitors, not creating enough value, being out of integrity, disapproval of family and friends, saying the wrong thing, appearing inept, asking for too much money, not making enough money, not being able to repeat their successes, failing, succeeding.
This list goes on and on and on.
And as if that’s not enough, the thought storm appears out of nowhere.
Have you ever experienced a thought storm? A thought storm looks something like this:
- You notice that you are feeling scared because of [insert any of the thoughts from above or add your own here] – or maybe you are just feeling fearful (or just plain weird) and you don’t know why.
- Then you tell yourself something like, “I need to work more and much harder.” And then, “But I don’t feel like it!” At this point your inner child has kicked in to protect you from completely giving up all your free time off ;-)
- Your inner voice gets louder and says, “I can’t afford to be getting lazy like this! Every day that goes by means [insert your doomsday scenario here]. Look at [insert someone you admire who you think is doing better than you], she’s doing it. Why can’t I?” And so on …
- Then come judgement, worry and anger: “This isn’t normal. I used to be able to just get things done. What has changed? Why can’t I just buck up and do this! Grrrr.”
- Followed by the intention to ‘work on yourself’: “OK, I just need to evaluate my limiting beliefs, meditate more, my daily intentions and, while I am at it, eat better and lose a few pounds so I can make those videos. That will do it. No, wait… that means even more work! How am I going to manage that???”
Also here, the list of negative, piling-up thoughts and judgments go on and on.
Can you recognize the problem here?
These thought storms are devastating and lead to the worst kind of stuck feeling. And they’re very likely to destroy your confidence as an entrepreneur.
So, how do you gain confidence in yourself and your business as an entrepreneur?
You might not like my answer: It’s a journey!
Part of the journey involves learning exactly what to do to marketing your services, win new clients, make more money and sustain your business. The even bigger and more impactful part is about what you’re thinking as you go, your so called mindset.
Like any long journey, there’s a first step to take.
The first step that I recommend to you is to recognize your humanness and to realize there’s nothing wrong with you. For whatever reason, this producing of fearful thinking is just what we do as human beings.
There’s no reason to judge yourself for this "craziness". It’s the way we’re wired and part of our human experience here on earth.
Does it feel comfortable when it happens? Aboslutely not. Do you want it to pass by as soon as possible. Yes, of course. Does it come and go? Most certainly.
Here’s the thing that usually helps me when I get into this fearfulness and thought storming…
I recognize it’s just my thinking and that I’m only ever feeling my thinking, nothing more. I get in touch with the fact that I "made it all up" in my head and have engaged with those thoughts as if they were real. Not on purpose, it just happens. And they sure do seem real, when I’m thinking and feeling them.
Then I take a deep breath and go find someone who has earned the right to hear my fear – sometimes it’s my daily accountability buddy, a trusted masterminding partner, an entrepreneur friend or even my coach. I express my thinking and all the fear surrounding it, knowing that shame cannot live in the light. I thank them for listening and go off to be by myself for a moment.
I get quiet and consult my inner wisdom to find out if there’s anything I need to do. I do it, or not – often with a little drama attached (I’m a drama queen after all ;-).
Then I get back to work, understanding that each time I go through it, it gets a little easier to move forward in faith and with confidence.
Summing up... protect your confidence by recognizing your humanness and knowing it will always pass without you having to do anything. No "work on self" needed, unless you just want to or it's part of your inner process. You are perfect as you are and innately emotionally healthy, clear-minded and connected to wisdom.
Stay in faith and much love...
Your virtual coach,
Shailia Stephens-Würsig
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